Despite it All
by susan87
Summary: The story of Derek and Karen and the obstacles they must overcome in order to be together.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:**

**The story of Derek and Karen and the obstacles they must overcome in order to be together.**

**"Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy; anger, tears, laughter. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it." –Unknown**

**A/N:**

**This is my first try at writing fanfiction so be nice. This is has not been beta'd so excuse the mistakes.**

* * *

**Dpov**

What was I thinking when I tried to get her to sleep with me? If I'm honest I figured she's green, which translates to being eager to please, and in my experience that equals sleeping with the director for a better shot at getting the part. I am the director, Derek Wills, and she Karen Cartwright, rejected me. And believe it or not, I respect her more for it. She knows she's talented, maybe not exactly how much, but she knows she has what it takes and only wants to be recognized for it, for her talent.

And now, I watch her during rehearsals, and I see Marilyn Monroe. I'm not sure if it's because I'm attracted to her or because she is supposed to be Marilyn. For the moment she is acting as Marilyn while we wait for Rebecca Duvall to show up and be the star. See after the auditions we selected Ivy as Marilyn, but after she bombed the workshop we decided we needed an outside source to be the star. So now Rebecca Duvall is Marilyn and Karen is her understudy. As I am watching her sing I feel this deep connection to her. I can't explain it but I wish I could explore it; with her, preferably naked.

**Kpov**

Why is he watching me like that? The ensemble is always teasing me about the way he looks at me. They think Derek wants me. I don't think he does, I mean he did once but then he moved on to Ivy, and besides I'm with Dev. I usually don't see what they are talking about. But today I do. Today Derek is looking at me like if he's a starving lion and I'm a piece of meat. And I don't understand why. Sure from the beginning I thought he was attractive, I'm not blind, but I have Dev, although things aren't that great at the moment, I still love him.

* * *

**A month later**

**Kpov**

As I am packing for the previews I can't help but feel relieved. Dev and I have been fighting nonstop or so it seems. We fight about everything; my schedule, my friends, and even Derek. Apparently Dev has jumped on the Derek wants Karen train so now Dev doesn't want me anywhere near Derek. But hello! He's my director I can't avoid him and besides If I'm honest, I don't want to. Derek is not so bad anymore and I almost consider him a friend. Leaving for the previews is like a godsend, a much needed break from Dev and it will give me a chance to think things through without Dev's constant questions and accusations.

"So I'm all packed, I'll text you when we get there, is that okay Dev?"

"It has to be, right?"

"Dev I'm leaving, I don't want to fight"

"You're right, I'm sorry, I'm just going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too"

I give him a hug and can't help but sigh inwardly. Even now as I am getting ready to leave he can't help but take a jab at me. Will this ever get better? I'm not sure if I even want this anymore. We say our goodbyes and I get a taxi to the studio where we are meeting everyone to get the bus to our destination; Boston.

* * *

**Dpov**

**Outside the studio**

Oh good everyone is on time, well everyone except for Rebecca, but that's to be expected, she's a diva. I look to the left and notice Karen. Why does she look upset? To the others she probably looks happy and just a tad nervous, but to me she doesn't. Something is wrong and I know it, she's not crying or frowning but I can read her. I have to hand it to her; she's playing her part perfectly, smiling at the right moments and answering with enthusiasm when asked a question. But if you know Karen, like I do, her eyes and body language tell you what she is not. She's edgy and upset but doesn't want anyone to know. Umm I'll have to think of an excuse to get her to sit next to me on the bus so I can speak to her.

**Kpov**

What is Jessica saying again? Stupid Dev even when he's not here, he still manages to ruin my day. I can't stop thinking about our goodbye this morning. He's known that being in a musical on Broadway has always been my dream and goal. And now he's acting like I changed my plans without telling him. I can't help but wonder if he being supportive of my career was just an act because he didn't think I would get a role. There's a tingling on the back of my neck, the feeling of being watched, but not by just a random person; it's the feeling I get when Derek is watching me. Sure enough I look up and lock eyes with him. We both don't look away, for what seems like minutes, but in reality was only a couple of seconds, he winks at me before he looks away though, and I instantly feel better. I can't explain it but something about him makes me both nervous and calm at the same time. It doesn't make sense. Derek just knows when I need to be coddled, or when he needs to be firm with me, in order to snap me out of my moods. We are so in sync it's scary. Dev and I used to be like that.

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**A/N:**

**So there it is. Let me know what you guys think and if I should continue it. I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note:**

First I want to say thanks to those who reviewed my story and also want to explain that since this is my first story I'm not really sure how often I'll be posting updates, it really depends on how many chapters I can write ahead of time. At the moment I am in the process of writing chapter four so chapter three will probably be up sometime this week. This is not beta'd so excuse the mistakes!

NBC owns Smash and its characters, the rest is all mine.

* * *

**Kpov**

I am in the process of grabbing my bag from the bus storage when I feel a hand on my lower back followed by the unmistakable voice of Derek.

"I'll get it for you"

"Oh that's okay, it's not very heavy"

"Well I've got it now…"

I look down avoiding his eyes because it feels so awkward. I didn't expect him to be nice to me after what I said back at the studio.

**_Flashback_**

"_Ooh Iowa the dark lord is heading our way!" I turn around and unfortunately Jessica is right, Derek is coming right toward us. Oh God I hope he doesn't want to talk to me. It's not that I don't want to talk to him, but every time he singles me out in front of the ensemble they tease me about it for days. _

"_Ms. Cartwright may I have a word?" he walks ahead knowing I'll follow him, I mean no one says no to the dark lord._

"_Is something wrong?"_

"_No just wanted to go over some scenes with you" _

_I look up at him and notice that he seems inpatient._

"_Okay sure, which scenes?"_

"_Derek, can I have a moment with you? Oh hi Karen how are you?" We both turn and see Rebecca Duvall standing to the left of us. I was so focused on what he was saying that I didn't notice her approach us. Apparently neither did Derek. He seems surprised to see her._

"_Sure Rebecca how about we talk about it when we arrive at the hotel?"_

"_Don't be silly we can just sit on the bus together and discuss it then, unless Karen has something important to say?"_

"_Oh no it's fine we'll talk later Derek?"_

"_No we will talk now, Rebecca can wait" I look at Rebecca and I notice that she seems embarrassed and a little put out. I turn to look at Derek and see that he's giving Rebecca his usual glare. Oh God what a jerk._

"_Sure that's fine sorry Derek…" I make a quick decision and grab Rebecca's arm, "No no no Rebecca don't leave, I really don't need or feel like talking to Derek right now, he's all yours"_

_I turn and walk away towards Jessica as fast I can without looking like if I'm running away. This is a lie because that is exactly what I am doing._ _I look back and Derek is glaring my way while nodding along to something Rebecca is saying and all I can think is; oh crap I'm in trouble._

_On the bus ride to Boston, I keep asking myself the same questions over and over again. What had come over me? Why did I say that? I know that I wasn't trying to be mean but I really hate it when Derek brushes people off like that, so I thought to myself, why not give him a taste of his own medicine? _

I look up at him and realize he is waiting for my answer, but I can't recall him asking anything.

"Umm"

"Karen are you feeling okay?"

"Yes I am why?"

"I've asked you what floor your room is in three times already!"

"Oh sorry it on the 24th floor, I think"

"Okay come on everyone is probably wondering why we are still standing out here!" I look around and realize that we are indeed the only ones left getting our luggage. I quickly start walking toward the hotel elevator and can hear him muttering to himself as he follows me.

**Dpov**

I don't know if I should strangle her or kiss her senseless, either one needs to happen soon or I'm going to go insane here. I'll admit that having her talk to me the way she did in front Rebecca both pissed me off and turned me on. She is a ball of contradictions this girl. Sometimes she looks at me with these innocent doe like eyes that say, "Be nice to me" or "be my friend." On the other hand, she sometimes looks at me with such anger and frustration, and her eyes seem to say, "I know you want me so do something about it already!" I have a hard time answering any of those. I like being her friend but I hate hearing about her stupid boyfriend. I would love to be her lover but every time I decide that the noble me will take a backseat to the predator in me, her look will change back to the innocence and I have to physically stop myself from kissing her until she forgets she has a boyfriend.

Being inside an elevator alone with her will have to be number one on the list of things I hate. Don't get me wrong, I like being alone with her, but not being able to touch her is driving me insane. As I look at her now I want to kiss her so I can save her bottom lip from all that unnecessary biting she's doing to it or take a bite of it myself.

**Kpov**

He's staring at me, I know, I can feel it. We are in the elevator and just my luck its empty, besides us, and both our rooms are on the 24th floor. Could my day get any worse? I want so much to apologize to him for what I said earlier but that would ruin my whole teaching him a lesson. Oh well who cares.

"Derek, I just want to say that I'm sorry about earlier, umm I didn't mean it the way it sounded"

"Are you sure Karen? You seemed pretty firm on not wanting to speak to me"

"I just thought maybe what Rebecca needed to say was important, she is the star after all"

"That's fine then apology accepted"

"Was it important?"

"You'll never know now right?"

Oh god he's so frustrating. Why can't I get a straight answer from him? We are only on the 14th floor; can this elevator be any slower? Suddenly I feel Derek's arm on my hip and I am being pulled close to his side. I look up at him questioningly and he simply nods to the doors without moving his arm from my hip. Apparently the 16th floor doors have opened and what seems like a dozen people are boarding the elevator. They pile in and I find myself almost on top of Derek and oddly it feels good to be there. We are now standing in the back of the elevator my back to his front and he is keeping me steady by holding onto my hip. I jump when I feel his breath on the side of my neck. All of the sudden the atmosphere has changed. There's this unexplainable tension. I'm sure I could explain it but at the moment I don't care to.

"Sorry about that I just didn't want to leave you at the mercy of the people getting on, I mean we could've been separated and you would have been lost"

I giggle, I can't help it, sometimes he's just so, I don't know; Derek. He can take me from being upset to the complete opposite. For example, just now I'm giggling when a second ago I was so frustrated with him.

"My hero, how can I ever repay thee?" The hold on my hip tightens and the tingling in my stomach intensifies.

"I'm sure I can think of a few ways" Oh wow his voice is so low, almost a whisper, he is definitely flirting! Umm what the hell; "Give me an example" I say in my sexiest whisper. Two can play that game.

I once again find myself almost jumping out of my skin and just manage not to when I feel him run his nose up and down my neck. Umm that feels good, too good. Without meaning to I flinch away and to my utter dismay Derek stops. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly; I can almost feel his frustration. After a brief moment of hesitation I feel him place a kiss on my shoulder, it's not a quick kiss. He lingers against my skin. Thanks to my off the shoulder top I feel every bit of that kiss. I only find myself wishing it would have been on my lips.

"Let's go" I look back at him startled by his voice and he once again nods to the elevator doors, only this time we are on the 24th floor and alone. Somewhere between the 17th and 23rd floors everyone has exited the elevator without my knowledge. Wow I haven't been lost in a kiss like that in a long time, especially not with a non-mouth to mouth kiss.

So there is chapter two, I hope that lived up to your expectations. Feel free to review and let me know any ideas you think I should incorporate into the next chapters. Contact me on twitter as well susangardea

Till next time :)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to everyone that has read my story and especially to those who have taken the time to review! **

**NBC owns Smash and its characters, the rest is all mine.**

* * *

**Kpov**

You know that moment? that moment that happens out of nowhere. That moment when you realize that you are not as happy as you could be. When you recognize that maybe you had settled in the past but now you are willing and ready to fight for what is rightfully yours; complete happiness. The elevator was my moment; my epiphany.

* * *

**Dpov**

When I get into my room I got straight for the bed. I feel so freaking exhausted. My breathing is quick like I have been running for hours. That girl will be the end of me. Ten more seconds in that elevator and I would have had her against the wall, legs around my waist, and her lips to mine. I know she finally felt the chemistry between us. If that little moan of a sound she made when I ran my nose up and down her neck was any indication, she feels the tension and likes it too. The only problem with Karen is that she's too nice for her own good. That boyfriend of hers, Dev, is no good for her and he doesn't deserve her loyalty but she won't leave him because she's too bloody nice.

_**Flashback**_

_I watched as the light dawned on her face. She went from lust to guilt in a matter of seconds. She scrambles to get away from me and practically runs out of the elevator in the direction of her room._

"_See you at rehearsals Derek"_

"_Karen? aren't going to need this?" I point down at my hand to her luggage. She blushes and hesitates but the need for her bag outweighs her embarrassment._

"_Of course, what's gotten into me? Thanks again Derek…For umm carrying my bag" _

_I almost want to laugh at her stuttering. It takes all I have not to drag her into my room, but I know that although she may want me too, she's not ready; not emotionally anyways. I watch her walk away and thank god there were people in the elevator with us, at least for the most part, because for the first time in my life, I Derek Wills was not in control._

* * *

**Kpov**

I cannot believe I acted like that. I Karen Cartwright am a hussy. I have Dev for goodness sakes. Sure things are not going so good right now, but all relationships are like that, right? I mean you aren't supposed to run when things are bad, you're supposed to fight for the good times. Sure Karen, keep telling yourself that. Oh great now I'm talking to myself in the third person. Why couldn't the director be fat, short, and bald? If Derek only knew how temped I was to invite him to my room. I felt so out of control in the elevator, in the back of my mind I remembered Dev but I couldn't bring myself to care, and that is what is worrying me. Maybe I should quit the show, find something else. I need a shower that always helps me think clearly. Something about the warm water hitting my back and the isolation that the curtain creates, it's like I'm in my own little world; my bubble. I start to push myself up from the floor when it finally dawns on me that I haven't made it past my door and I have been sitting here for twenty minutes. I can't help but laugh, Derek really has me going in circles. Forget the shower I need a bath. I grab some candles from my bag, they help me relax, and set them up around the bathtub. I set the water to the hottest temperature I can endure to the touch, and finally step in. I hiss at the contact but instantly feel the tension leave my body. So far Boston has been interesting. I wonder what Derek is doing.

* * *

**Dpov**

Time to do some work, yeah that should keep me from thinking about Karen. Dammit I have read this page three times already and I still have no idea what it says! Fuck my life!

Why am I so enchanted by her? Is it her innocence or her ability to make me feel like I'm the most important person in her world when she's talking to me? The kick about Karen is that I don't only want to shag her, I want to date her. I want to take her out to eat and lounge with her on my couch in sweats. That is what both fascinates and scares me. With my previous relationships, if you could call them that, they knew the score from the beginning. I wasn't looking for a girlfriend; I just wanted convenient shag and possibly a companion that would look good on my arm at an event. But with Karen I want more than that. I can see a life with her. Umm how am I going to get her to date me and leave Dev? I need to woo her. No more flirting, I think the best approach with Karen is to be nice and supportive, everything her boyfriend is not. This is going to be torture, especially now that I have had her in my arms, even if for a brief moment.

Forget work, a shower sounds much better and it should probably be a cold one, I can't get that moan out of my head, I bet she doesn't even realize she made that sound.

* * *

**Kpov**

The bath did its job, the stress from earlier with Dev and the tension about Derek is gone. I'm also not quitting, even considering it was a brief moment of insanity. I'll have to have a serious talk with Dev about my work because if he can't support me, maybe he doesn't belong with me. Oh shoot is 12:45 and I have to be at rehearsals by 1:00. Yup they only gave us an hour and half to relax before rehearsals. I grab my bag, open the door, and run straight into the arms of a very nice smelling person. I know that smell; and I'm right, I look up and it's Derek.

**Dpov**

I'm leaving my room so I can go to rehearsals when it suddenly hits me. I should begin to woo karen now. I'll escort her to rehearsals, yeah that's gentlemanly. I make a right and head away from the elevators, towards Karen's room. I raise my hand to knock when the door suddenly opens and she falls straight into my arms. I look down at her and she looks up at me and the moment is almost too good to be true. But of course I must be a gentleman, so I help her get her footing and take a step back.

"Are you okay Karen?"

"Yeah I'm fine, sorry about that."

"That's okay; I was coming to see if you were ready for rehearsals so I could accompany you downstairs."

"Yeah I'm ready I was just heading over there now."

"Okay well let's get going, after you my lady." I offer her my hand and she takes it with a smile.

"Why thank you kind sir."

And just like that the tension from the elevator and the awkwardness from now simply disappear and our teasing banter is back.

* * *

**Kpov**

Rehearsals were brutal to say the least. Rebecca was out of tune and kept messing up with the choreography. Let's just say my ear drums are feeling the pain, and not only from her less than stellar singing, but from Derek's constant yelling. In the past seven and a half hours, I've heard more bloody hells than I wish to hear in a lifetime. Seeing an agitated brit is both hilarious and sexy. I need to stop thinking that Derek is sexy, I'm not single, but dammit on days like this I wish I was. I called Dev during our lunch break and when he answered I could have sworn her sounded out of breath, which is okay for a person who is out for a jog but not for someone who is supposed to be sitting behind a desk. And if that wasn't enough he kept all of his answers short and when I said I love you he replied with thanks you too. What the fuck is going on? It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he wasn't at work and that he most definitely was not alone. I want to give him the benefit of doubt. Maybe he was at work, had a client in front of him, and didn't want to look like he was being unprofessional; yeah and pigs fly.

* * *

**Right after rehearsals**

**Dpov**

"Eileen we need to give the ensemble a couple of days off."

"But Derek the previews are soon, we can't afford to take any days off!"

"If you want this show to be great we need to sort Rebecca out. I mean bloody hell didn't you see her at rehearsals? She needs a couple days off to regroup, hell we all do!"

"Fine if you think it's best I'll let Tom and Julia know."

"Great, I'll have everyone called to the lobby, and then I'll make the announcement."

To be honest I needed to sort myself out. I wasn't lying when I said Rebecca needed to regroup but for the most part, I was just too distracted to direct her correctly. This whole Karen situation needed to sort itself out. I don't know how long I can keep this wooing shit going on, but for my sake it better end soon. I know I decided on wooing her but bloody hell, I have no patience for it! I'm a director and it's in my nature to want things when I want them and not a moment later.

* * *

**After the announcement**

**Kpov **

Oh my god this is too perfect. We are getting two days off. Two days of no tight schedules, hurting feet, and a yelling brit! It's the perfect time to go see Dev and clear things out. Yup that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to give Dev a surprise visit and hopefully mend whatever is broken in our relationship. Its 9 pm now, umm I wonder if there's any buses' leaving for New York any time soon.

**Dpov**

Karen seemed excited about the two days off. I wonder what she has planned. I was hoping I could squeeze some wooing Karen time, during the break, but if the look in her face is any indication, she has plans or an idea of a plan for her break. Oh what the heck I'll just ask her. I walk into the elevator and can't stop the smile that takes over my face, just this morning she was in my arms, and if all goes to plan, she'll be there again; soon.

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**A/N: I hope you guys/gals enjoyed reading chapter 3! I wanted to ask if you guys liked the whole Pov being constantly changed throughout the chapter? Personally I like it but I wondered what all of you thought. Chapter 4 is a work in progress but should be up soon :) Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks again to all of those who have read and reviewed my story. This chapter has not been beta'd so excuse all the mistakes.**

**NBC owns Smash and its characters, the rest is all mine.**

* * *

**Kpov**

I'm putting the last of my things into my overnight bag when I hear a quiet knock at my door. It's so quiet that at first I thought I was imagining things, but by the third knock it was obvious someone was there. I open the door and for the second time in one day find myself facing Derek.

"Hey Derek what's up?"

"Nothing just wanted to see what you were up to, can I come in?"

"Umm sure, go ahead, excuse the mess"

I close the door and when I turn to ask him what's wrong, I see him glaring at my bed. Well actually he's glaring at the open duffle that's on my bed.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah I thought since we have a two day break I would umm go see Dev"

"Oh"

"Is something wrong, do you need me to stay for rehearsals after all?"

"No no everything is fine. I had a question about today's blocking; you know how we made a few changes? Well I figured you would have written them down, but never mind; I'll just ask Linda. Sorry to have kept you."

"No it's okay Derek the bus leaves in thirty minutes so you're not making me late. Are you sure you don't want my notes? I can get them for you."

"No like I said I'll ask Linda. Aren't you leaving kind of late? It takes about three to four hours to get to New York from here. "

"The bus leaves at 9:30pm so I will probably make it by 1:30am the latest. Besides I'm really anxious to see Dev."

"Very well then, I won't keep you. Have a safe trip."

I zip and grab my duffle, turn around to say bye, and find myself standing chest to chest with him. He must have moved when I wasn't looking. He's a bit taller than me so my eyes are level with his nose. I'm scared to look up and he must sense this because he puts his finger on my chin and raises my eyes to meet his.

"I mean it, be careful. If there's any trouble call me."

He looks so serious but his words are quite the opposite; they're tender and sincere.

"Why? are you going to rescue me? Are you a superhero in disguise or something?"

I try to make it a joke, make him laugh so I can stop the moment from happening. Because I know what is coming but I can't let it happen and I'm too weak to stop it myself; so I rather avoid it.

"For you darling, always"

The always is finished against my lips. The kiss is light, so light that one might say it didn't happen, except he lingers; it definitely happened. My eyes close and my arms wrap themselves around his neck of their own volition. His lips press harder against mine, he's being the aggressor and I don't mind. I go to run my fingers through his hair and find myself stopped by the duffle in my hand. The Duffle! Shit Dev! I jump back like I've been burned, which I have but in the best way possible. Oh crap! I have to go! I turn away from his confused eyes, grab my purse, and haul ass out of the hotel room. Not only did I let him kiss me but I left him standing in my hotel room without a goodbye or an apology. I know he kissed me, but I let him and after the whole elevator situation, I didn't want to lead him on, and yet I did just that by not stopping that stupid magnificent kiss.

* * *

**3 hours later**

Thank god I made my bus! I had to sprint to get to it before it left the station, but nevertheless I made it. I'm almost at the station in New York and I still haven't come up with a speech to give Dev. I've spent the whole ride reliving the kiss, it was so wrong but it definitely felt so right. I mean here I was leaving to see my boyfriend and I let the director kiss me, not only did I let him, I encouraged him. I want to tell Dev it happened but it will only cause more problems, oh god more lies. I still haven't told him about the casting couch bit, but I don't want to give him more reasons for wanting me to quit. Forget the speech I'll just tell Dev how much I love him and that I really want to make things work, but for that to happen we need communicate and he needs to be more supportive of my career.

"5 minute warning!"

Oh wow we made good time. I turn away from the window and begin to gather my things, not much really just the magazine I was attempting to read on the ride over. I'm one of the firsts of the bus since I sat in the front because I was late, which ended up being to my advantage. No having to wait for everyone to shuffle themselves off the bus. For being such a late hour there is surprisingly a large amount of people. The bus is mostly full, except for the four seats empty upfront. I catch a cab home since it's so late. I hope Dev is awake, it's almost 1am. I pay the driver and carry my bag upstairs. I put my key in the lock and turn it as quietly possible, no need to wake him up this late, we can always talk tomorrow. I open the door, walk into my living room and almost fall over. Freaking Dev must have left his shoe on the floor. I bend down to get it, because knowing me I'll trip over the same shoe tomorrow, and notice that it is definitely not Dev's. It's a heel, a black pump to be exact, and definitely not mine. What the hell is going on? As I look around the apartment I notice the wine glasses on my coffee table? Is that the candle I light up when I'm in the bath? I pick it up and yup that's the one. I turn towards the hallway and notice what I didn't initially; there's a trail of clothing leading to our bedroom. I'm frozen in place, my mind telling to walk to our room and see what's there, my heart saying to leave; out of sight out of mind right? My mind wins. I tip toe towards our bedroom and turn the knob slowly. My heart is beating so fast that I feel as though Dev should be able to hear it. I take a deep breath and open the door. The sight in front of me hits me like a wave, so hard that I literally fall forward, only catching myself at the last second. There on my bed is Dev, lying on his back; asleep, his arm around a brown haired girl sleeping on his chest. The throw that Dev and I usually cuddle on the bed with while watching TV is carelessly thrown over their naked bodies, like they were too exhausted to reach for the duvet at the end of the bed. I don't know how long I watch them sleep for, but I guess enough for Dev to feel my glare directed at him. He opens his eyes slowly, looks down at the girl, and smiles; my smile. The nurturing, I love you, and I want you again smile. I watch him glance around the room and know exactly when he spots me; the reaction is instant. He jumps up, dislodging the girl, and reaches for his pants. The girl mumbles something, but she must of seen me too, because she's up and getting dressed. I know this because I can hear the rustling of clothing; my eyes have not left Dev.

"Karen it's not what you think!"

The sound of his voice snaps me out of my shock.

"What do you mean it's not what I think!"

"It meant nothing!"

"Really Dev, you obviously set the scene out there. My candle, our wine glasses, the clothes leading to our bedroom tells the story!"

I look toward the girl and recognition hits me. It's R.J his secretary! What a fucken cliché!

"You accuse me of flirting with my boss and here you are fucking your secretary!" He looks startled; apparently he didn't think I paid attention to his life or coworkers.

"Karen, I love you, I swear. This was a mistake!" I look at the girl again and she's cowering in the corner. What a bitch if you are going to fuck someone that is taken, at least own up to it.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" She looks to Dev and I fucken loose it. I launch myself at her but before my fist can make contact, I feel Dev's arm come around me and effectively hold me back.

"Get off me Dev!" In my struggle to get away from the Dev, the bitch has managed to leave the apartment. I turn to Dev and notice that he's just standing there, next to the bed.

"What the fuck are you waiting for? The get the fuck out of my house was directed at you too Dev!"

"What?"

"You heard me, leave! It's over; obviously I can't be with a lying, cheating, bastard!"

His demeanor changes, the transformation from pleading boyfriend to dick is amazing. He's now wearing a smirk and I have to admit it scares me a little.

"Oh Karen are you forgetting something?"

"No what else is there? You cheated! you get the fuck out!"

"I don't think so!"

"What do you mean? Get out Dev I don't want you here!"

"The lease is under my name Karen so if anyone is leaving, it would be you!"

I'm left speechless. How could I have ever loved this man? Had he always been this selfish? I walk to the hall closet and grab my suitcase. I begin to throw my clothes in and the toiletries that are on top my vanity. The whole time Dev is just staring at me, no emotion, no anything. I want to cry, I have not only caught my boyfriend cheating, but I am now officially homeless!

"You don't have to leave you know? If you could forget about my little mistake, we could back to the way things were."

Is he fucking kidding me? I don't answer, his suggestion is so ridiculous. Like sure I'm going to whore myself out to him so I can stay in the apartment! I take one last look around, making sure none of the things I will need this week are left behind; anything I don't get now, I'll just pick it up when he's not here. Satisfied with my quick packing, I zip my suitcase and take it out to the living room. There I grab my duffle and walk out the door without giving Dev a second glance; the asshole doesn't deserve it.

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**A/N: So there is chapter 4. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it too, but the voices in my head had other ideas. Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: All mistakes are mine; this chapter has not been beta'd.**

**NBC owns Smash and its characters, the rest is all mine!**

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**Dpov**

What did I just bloody do? I kissed her and scared her away is what I did! She practically ran out of the hotel room, and her own at that. Fuck now she'll never believe me when I tell her that I like her like her. Not just want to sleep with her, like her, but I want to be in a relationship with her, like her. I only intended to show her that I cared. It was just supposed to be a simple goodbye kiss. I should have known better. As soon as I felt her lips against mine and her bodies surrender to my will, there was no way that I could stop kissing her. Now she probably thinks I'm such a douchebag! This is perfect; just fucking perfect. All I wanted was a chance, a chance to be the man I know she needs, and I screwed up. I didn't want her to leave to see Dev. I thought we could spend the days off getting to know each other better. But of course the universe has other ideas. The break was meant for us; instead she's on a bus on the way to see the asshole. If she only knew what a prick he really is. He uses his sweetness and kindness to cover his incessant need to be in control of her. But I know his type. I spotted it the night he showed up unexpectedly to Karen and I's impromptu meeting at the bar. The way he kissed her, it wasn't a, I missed you and love you kiss; it was a she's mine and fuck off kiss. I've done those before as well, but never have I seen it done so coldly. He wasn't even tender. The kiss was all for him and his fucken ego. And the look on Karen's face was priceless. Her look conveyed her embarrassment and an apology for her boyfriend's behavior. That look was the one that gave me the green light to pursue her. Her embarrassment was well warranted, we were in a public place, but the apology, should not have been there. No one should be sorry that their significant other is claiming them; quite frankly they should be glad, happy even, that they still warrant being claimed, but not Karen. Karen's face told the story she didn't yet know, or if she did, was unwilling to acknowledge; her relationship was in danger. She no longer felt confident in the relationship her and Dev shared, so any affection, public that is, Dev made to her was not necessarily welcomed, at least not in front of me. Well there's nothing much to do now, she's gone and I'm alone in her hotel room; how pathetic am I? I want to call her and apologize but I think I've done enough for one night. No now I'll just go to my room and sleep, clear the cobwebs out my head, and come up with another plan of attack; because I am not going to give up. I leave her room mindful not to be seen by anyone in the ensemble, there's no need to start rumors. I make it to my room without being seen and go straight for the bed. I'll shower tomorrow, for now I just need to rest.

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**Kpov**

The girl who had it all is now sitting alone, outside of her ex's building, crying her ass off; what a joke. I can't believe that just a couple of hours ago I wanted to work things out with Dev! I knew something was wrong, I've had a bad feeling since the phone call, well if I'm honest since way before that, but I chose to ignore it, and now I am not only boyfriend less, I am homeless. What is so surprising is that what is making me cry is mostly the fact that I have nowhere to go. I have no actual friends to call, besides the people in the ensemble, who are back in Boston; all of my other "friends" are really Dev's friends, so they would be no help. I need to leave his front stoop but I don't know where to go. I can't call my parents because, one, they live too far away to be of immediate help, and two, what is happening to me, at the moment, will just reinforce their opinion of me not belonging here in New York. They, my parents that is, think that my dream of being on Broadway is silly, and frankly I think they are just waiting for me to give up and go back home with them. See my parents are from a small town, as am I, but unlike me, they believe women should go to college, get a sensible job, and eventually marry and have children. I do want to eventually marry and have children but the sensible job is not for me. I would feel caged in an office setting, I itch to be on stage; I need it, like an addict needing his next fix. I can't even take a taxi to a hotel because I spent almost all of my money on the bus ticket and taxi ride over, so content in the knowledge that my boyfriend would spot me for my way back. So now here I sit with no money, nowhere to go, and no one to call. I scroll through my contacts and stop at Derek's name. He did say to call him if I was in trouble, but its two thirty in the morning. How funny, it took exactly one hour for everything in my life to completely fall apart. Just earlier I was feeling guilty for kissing Derek, when god only knows for how long Dev's been screwing R.J, and now I'm contemplating calling Derek for help, because said boyfriend, who I left him standing in my hotel room for, has not only cheated on me, but effectively kicked me out. I mean Dev didn't say leave but he did imply that if I stayed I would have to forgive him, which I can't, so yes essentially he kicked me out. Oh what the hell, there's no one else and it's getting pretty cold. I select his number, hit send, and cross my fingers that he'll answer.

**Dpov**

From my bed I hear my phone ring. My plan of going to sleep went to shit, and I have been lying here thinking of Karen; wondering if she got there safe, if the reunion with her boyfriend was going as she planned, and if she was happy. Oh bloody hell! I'm turning into those saps that say that as long as the woman they love is happy, even if it's not with them, then they are happy as well, and that is definitely not me. Don't get me wrong I do want her to be happy, but I don't think she'll know true happiness until she's with me, or until she leaves that asshole she calls boyfriend. I jump up from my bed to get my phone; no one calls this late at night, unless something is wrong.

"Hello"

I don't even bother to look at the caller ID before I answer, so my heart literally drops when I hear the voice on the other end.

"Derek?"

"Karen is that you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah it's me, um is your offer still open, I kind of need rescuing."

She's trying to make a joke but I can hear the tears in her voice, so I don't even hesitate to start dressing one handed while talking to her.

"Where are you?"

"I'm outside my apartment, well Dev's apartment."

"Okay do you need somewhere to stay?"

"Yes, umm but I don't have enough money for a hotel and I just didn't know who else to call. I'm so sorry Derek, I know it's none of your business, never mind forget I called. I'm sorry if I bothered you."

"No Karen stop saying that, of course I'll help you, and you're wrong it is my business because I care about you, but never mind that, do you have enough money for a cab from your place to mine?"

"Yes I think so."

"Okay here's what you're going to do; take a cab to my place, I'll have the doorman buzz you in, and go straight up to my floor, under the matt, at my door, there's a spare key, use it to get inside and make yourself at home. Use anything you like and I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Oh thank you so much Derek. You don't have to come right now, I'll see if I can get enough money together for a bus ride back to Boston tomorrow. I just needed somewhere to crash for tonight. I can't thank you enough, this means so much to me."

"No need to thank me Karen, like I said, I care for you, and there's no way I could leave my girl alone in the streets of New York. I'll see you soon, please text me when you are inside my place safe and warm."

"Okay Derek I will, sorry I woke you."

"It's alright darling; I'll see you soon love"

When did I start thinking of Karen as my girl? Maybe from the beginning but I just admitted to myself, and now to Karen. I wonder what happened with Dev, he definitely hurt her, how much I'm not sure, but for his sake I hope it's repairable or the next thing he'll be feeling is my fist against his face. Okay first things first, I need to hire a car to drive me to New York, let Eileen know that there was a family emergency and that I'll be in New York during the break, and most importantly haul ass to be at my girls side.

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**A/N: Hope you guys and gals liked it. Review and let me know what you guys think so far. Should I keep going?**

**I was totally rocking to You Love Me by Kelly Clarkson while writing this chapter! So Thanks Kelly Clarkson for your inspirational lyrics.**

**For those of you who saw the shorter version of this chapter, the reason it disappeared and then this was posted is because I felt that the phone call needed to be in this chapter. Chapter 6 will focus more on their interaction at Derek's place.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, real life intruded and didn't leave me with much time to indulge in writing my Smash fanfic. Thanks to those who have reviewed and put me on their alerts, I really appreciate it. Initially this chapter was going to take place in Derek's apartment with both Derek and Karen there, but I felt that there needed to be a chapter that explained their inner feelings about the recent events and eachother. Hope you enjoy it!**

**NBC owns Smash and its characters, everything else is all mine.**

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**Kpov**

After I hung up with Derek, I did everything he told me to; I was on auto pilot. I hailed a cab, gave the cabbie Derek's address and tried to keep myself together. When I got to Derek's apartment building, just like he said, the doorman buzzed me in, after checking my ID via the security camera first, had to make sure I indeed was Karen Cartwright. Once inside the building, finding his apartment and getting the key from under his matt was easy. When I went into his apartment, I put my bags down in the hall and headed for the kitchen; I needed a drink. I helped myself to two fingers of his scotch and downed it quickly. The burn down my throat was welcome; I needed to feel something other than despair. I ventured as far as his living room, but did not explore elsewhere, I couldn't, not without him here. Now here I sit on his expensive couch wondering what the hell I'm going to do next. When I had decided to come see Dev, I had no idea the shit storm that I was walking in to. Sure I knew our relationship was in trouble, but I had no idea how bad it had gotten. Here I was fighting my attraction for my director and fighting to keep my relationship together and there was Dev screwing his secretary and lying his ass off about loving me. And now I'm homeless, how did that happen? I feel as though everything around me is falling apart and surprisingly the only anchor I can hold onto is Derek. When did Derek become my all? And what's up with him calling me "his girl" I was too stunned to question him about it, but if I'm honest it felt good to hear it, to know that he cared. Ugh I'm getting a headache, no more thinking or drinking, my brain hurts and I am not indulging in the crying jag I know is approaching if I stay awake any longer. I feel weird going into Derek's bedroom without him so I'll just sleep here on his couch, not like I haven't been here before. I close my eyes and pray that I fall asleep quickly, not even bothering to change.

**Dpov**

She still hasn't texted me to let me know she's at my apartment; she should be there by now, maybe she forgot. I want to call her and see if she's okay, but if she's asleep I don't want to wake her. God knows how exhausted and emotionally drained she is. I've been racking my brain trying to think about what Dev could have possibly done for Karen to find herself with no money and no place to stay for the night. I must have been pretty horrible if she couldn't stay there. I didn't miss her calling it Dev's apartment and not home. I know I wanted to woo her slowly but that plan has effectively left the building. I need her and not just physically, I need her to anchor my craziness. Unlike all the other starlets I've dated, Karen gets me. She can read me like no one else has been able to, like she's attuned to what my moods are going to be, before I am.

After I hung up with Karen, I packed a couple of necessities into my bag and took off for Eileen's room. I needed to let her know I wouldn't be available for the meeting she wanted to have tomorrow. When I first told her I had to leave she grumbled about the late hour and demanded to know why. I told her it was a personal matter and she laughed. The great Derek Wills has no personal problems she said, so she forced my hand and I had to explain about Karen. Eileen's face was priceless when I told her my plans to leave Boston for New York to help Karen. She couldn't believe how the dark lord could have a heart and care about anyone, especially Karen. I had to set her straight and tell her that Karen was important to me and to deal with it. She was not happy about it, she felt the director should be helping the star and not the understudy, but frankly I don't give a shit what she or anyone else for that matter thinks. Karen has somehow become a very important part of my life. We have this connection that I haven't felt with anyone else. Sure the timing stinks but I'm hoping spending the break together will help to put mine and her feeling into perspective, and I know she has feelings for me, but was has merely been fighting them because of Dev. But now since Dev is gone, he must be if she's not staying with him, she won't need to fight the feelings anymore, and maybe we can explore them some. I'm anxious to see her, to put my arms around her and shield her from the hurt she must be feeling. I don't know why, but from the beginning, I've felt so protective of her. She has this quality about her; she's genuine, not affected by the business, at least not yet. She's innocent and nice to everyone, which everyone feels makes her naïve, but she has this inner strength about her; takes every challenge head on. I look out the window and see that we are almost in New York; the driver is making good time, must be the fact that it's past 2 am and there's relatively not much traffic. I close my eyes and figure I can take a quick nap; I'm no use to Karen exhausted.

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**A/N: **I hope the wait was worth it. I have no idea how long this story is going to be, I'm playing it by ear. Do you guys think I should continue it or get to the point and end it? Reviews are welcome!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N So first of all I want to apologize for not updating on a regular basis but as always real life does intrude and my responsibilities come first. This chapter is very short but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

**Thanks to all of you who read, set alerts, review my story! All the love is appreciated!**

**Come talk to me on twitter Susangardea**

**NBC owns Smash and its characters, everything else is all mine.**

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**Dpov**

I am jolted awake when the car I'm in hits a pothole. Tiredly I run my hands through my face up to the ends of my hair. Oh god I'm so tired. What time is it? I squint at my watch and I am surprised to see that its 3:30 am. We definitely made good time but the little nap I managed to take has not made anything better. If anything it made it worse.

All I want to do is curl into myself and sleep, but we are roughly a block away from my apartment and I need to be ready for what is waiting for me. Well I should say who not what. But I am nervous about what I will be walking into. Karen can be very unpredictable. One moment she can be super emotional and in the next she wears a mask, which only I can see through, but a mask nonetheless.

The car stops, I grab my bag, and grumble a thanks to the driver. I have no time for proper manners. The doorman sees me as I approach and buzzes me in. I head straight to my apartment and quietly let myself in. No hesitation, I figure it hurts less when I peel the Band-Aid off all at once, so why shouldn't it apply to this.

The sight that greets me breaks my heart. Karen is lying on her side, arms around her knees that are tucked in to her tummy; she's basically in the fetal position. I can see a glass of what I am assuming is scotch on my coffee table. She must have really been upset to feel the need to resort to alcohol. I approach the couch quietly; I don't want to wake her.

Although her sleeping position reflects how she was feeling before falling asleep, her face is free of stress and emotion. She looks so peaceful and beautiful. I take a seat on the corner of my couch and can't help but run my fingers through her hair. What kind of man could seriously hurt this beautiful angel?

I don't know how long I've sat here playing with her hair, lost in thought, but it was enough time for Karen to wake up and watch me without me being aware of it. Our eyes meet and I can see a mix of emotions in them; anger, sadness, hurt.

She yawns and makes an attempt to sit up. I help her lift her head and I sit in its spot. I then lay her head on my lap and continue to play with her hair. It takes about a minute of my playing with her hair before Karen is asleep again. I let out the breath that I didn't even realize I was holding and resign myself to falling asleep sitting down. I have such a comfy bed upstairs but I don't want to wake her and frankly it feels good to have her in my arms.

This, the thing she and I have feels good. It feels the way one feels about their ratty college tshirt, it's comfortable. Like just now, no words were exchanged, but I knew she needed comfort and she knew I would give it without question. I like this about us. We don't need words to express what we need, at least to each other, it only takes a look.

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**A/N So there's this thing known as writers block and I've apparently got it. I know exactly where I want this story to go but I am having a hard time putting my ideas into words. I considered this chapter a work in progress and was not going to post, but I figured something is better than nothing. By the way do you guys prefer long chapters or short ones? It takes me longer to post because I try to do at least 1000 words but I'm considering shortening it. Let me know what you think. Reviews are welcome.**


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